Friday, June 14, 2013

The Secret Cave: The Life and Times of Lemuel Xandiver


Lem walked to his P.E. class with a familiar sense of dread. He’d never liked P.E. which shouldn’t be surprising since he often tripped over his own feet just walking. Running, though, running was something he could do. It’s surprising how good a person can get at running when that person has a habit of annoying other people.

Yesterday, their P.E. teacher, Coach Ketter, had told them that they would play dodge ball today. He really hated dodge ball. It hurt. And now that he had made a group of enemies at this new school, it hurt a lot.

Lem ran through a list of excuses in his mind as he slowly trudged toward the gym. Inwardly, he felt along his body. Did anything hurt? Even a little? For a brief moment, he thought he might have felt a slight pressure in his head. That was good. He could say he had a headache. It kind of ached. Well, he could feel it at least. That could easily grow into a headache, couldn’t it?

As he contemplated the exact definition of “ache,” he walked past the science room and looked in longingly. Now, that was a class he liked. He’d gladly trade gym for three or four extra science classes. Glancing through the door into the back of the room, he stopped suddenly and took a quick step back. There they stood. The native boys he had seen on his first day.

Almost two weeks had passed since Lem had followed the dragon into the woods. Even though he hadn’t seen Running Wolf again since then, he still nervously felt like he was being watched every time he even went close to the tree line on the school property. But he hadn’t tried during school hours. He hadn’t dared after the lecture he received from missing class that first day.

Today felt different. P.E. was his last class of the day. He wouldn’t mind skipping it. Running Wolf and his friends had a science class, so he didn’t have to worry about them. He just had to think of a good excuse to convince Mr. Ketter to let him leave.   

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he walked down the hallway with renewed vigor. Excitement at the possibility and nervousness at the danger fought within him until he almost felt sick. He might have to go throw up before he left, but at least he had his excuse now.

As he entered the gym, he stopped smiling and tried for a believably sick expression as he approached his teacher.

“Coach Ketter, I don’t feel good. My stomach feels weird. Can I be excused from class today?” Lem tried to control his voice, pitiful enough to earn sympathy but not so pitiful that it sounded fake.

Coach Ketter looked at Lem carefully. He didn’t believe for a moment that the boy was sick. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Lem hated P.E., but he felt sorry for him. Coach Ketter knew Lem would get clobbered in dodge ball. For some reason he seemed to be the one all the others went after. He sighed.

“Ok, you may be excused, but I expect to see you back tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir!” Lem said a little too enthusiastically.

Coach Ketter raised his eyebrows knowingly. Lem clutched his stomach and said, “Thank you,” in as sickly a tone as he could manage and exited quickly before his teacher could change his mind.

He hurried to the bathroom and waited for the bell to ring. He didn’t want to run the risk of being seen and having to abort his mission. When it seemed that the coast was clear, Lem snuck onto the hall and rushed toward the side door avoiding the hallway with the science room. Once outside, he hurried into the woods.

It took him a little while to locate the spot where he’d lost the dragon, and when he did get there, he had to dig around in the bushes to find the hole where the dragon had disappeared.  Grabbing the small flashlight that he had carried hooked to his belt every day since he’d first followed the dragon here, he carefully aimed it down into the hole leaning back a little in case the dragon was inside. He’d expected to find a small burrow or other type of dragon lair. What he didn’t expect to see was a tunnel that appeared to grow wider the further in it went. His light didn’t shine far enough for him to get a good look, but he felt pretty sure that this was a cave that opened up further in.

Sitting back on his heels, he took a moment to think. If he was wrong, and this was a dragon’s burrow, he would be an idiot to crawl inside it. But he hadn’t seen any dragons, and he was pretty sure it had opened up. He’d read a lot about animals, and he remembered reading that komodo dragons would sometimes dig “shallow” burrows. This wasn’t shallow. But, then again, this dragon looked different than any picture of a komodo dragon that he had ever seen, and he had watched the thing disappear down into this hole. Arrggg! His curiosity almost felt overwhelming, but his sense of self-preservation wouldn’t be ignored.

A rustle behind him made him turn his head sharply just in time to see a squirrel run up a tree. He let out a sigh of relief. He’d thought for a second that Running Wolf had followed him. That decided it. He might never get an opportunity like this again. He had to check it out. If he didn’t, he’d never forgive himself.

Lem looked around on the forest floor and picked up a thick stick. It would be difficult to carry this down the hole with him, and it probably wouldn’t do much good against a dragon, but he wasn’t about to go down there without some sort of weapon.

Pushing the stick in front of him with one hand and holding his flashlight in front of him with the other, Lem crawled awkwardly into the hole scooting along on his elbows for several yards until the passage opened up enough for him to stand. As he walked along, the walls seemed to be closing in making his path narrower and narrower. Disappointment began to rise in Lem when it seemed like the passage came to a dead end.

“No!” he complained loudly. Exasperated, he looked around frantically shining his flashlight in every direction, but he could see nothing except shadows. Refusing to give up so soon, Lem walked up to a wall and began examining every crevice determined to circle the entire space. About three quarters of the way around, he found a crevice that was more than a crevice. The opening couldn’t be seen from where he had been standing, but it could clearly be seen from the opposite angle. It was wide enough for him to walk into even though it was a bit tight in places.

With renewed excitement, Lem pushed through the narrow passageway. To his surprise, the cave tunnel began to get brighter as he walked. Before long, he didn’t even need his flashlight. He quickly turned it off and clipped it back on his belt. Not only did the path get brighter, it also grew wider. He had to continually remind himself to be cautious to stop himself from running. Finally, he turned a corner in the tunnel and stopped to stare in wonder. The passage opened up into a huge cavern. Small holes sprinkled around the top let in sunlight, and trees and other plant life dotted the floor and clung to the walls everywhere. A large waterfall fell down into a stream that flowed through the length of the cavern.

Lem stood on a ledge overlooking the beautiful scene and gazed at it in wonder. But his wonder quickly turned to fear as an arrow swooshed by his face and stuck in the wall right next to his ear. Looking around in alarm, he saw seven island natives standing on ledges high above. All of them had arrows pointed directly at him. He gasped in alarm tightly clutching the stick he still carried. Well, he’d done it now. His curiosity had finally killed him. Lem lifted a shaking hand to wave.

“Um, hi?” he said smiling nervously.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Into the Woods: The Life and Times of Lemuel Xandiver - Part 3


Lem walked through the woods as quietly as he could, but even to him, his footsteps seemed to pound through the underbrush like an elephant tromping through a bed of broken glass. The dragon kept looking back at him and hurrying on as fast as its injured body would allow. Lem knew that he was on dangerous ground. Komodo dragons were deadly in the best of times, and this one was injured, but his curiosity kept him going.

They walked quite a ways from the school through the woods, and Lem almost lost his reptilian prey a few times as the trees thickened and the ground began to rise. They were coming closer to the mountains.
Lem thought he saw the dragon disappear into a hole in the ground and hurried forward to get a better look.  He hid behind a tree close to where the dragon had disappeared and peered around to make sure it wasn’t just hiding in the underbrush. He certainly didn’t want to accidently step on the injured animal. Looking into the dense bushes intently, Lem almost jumped out of his skin when the native boy from the school jumped out of the tree and landed right in front of him.

“You almost gave me a heart attack,” Lem gasped accusingly. He looked nervously at the boy who just stood there with his arms crossed. “My name’s Lem. I’m new in town. I, uh, saw you up at the school.”

The native boy just looked at him for a second. Finally, he responded, “I’m called Running Wolf.” He seemed to relax a little as he leaned back against a nearby tree. He still had his arms crossed in front of him, but he didn’t seem quite as threatening as he had.

“You are not supposed to be here, you know,” he said with a lifting of his eyebrows. “You would get in much trouble if the school officials knew.”

“I know I’m skipping class,” Lem admitted, “but this is the first time I’ve ever seen a dragon before. I had to follow it.”

“Yes, you will get in trouble for skipping class, but it is more than that. These woods are considered the personal property of one of the most powerful men on the island. He would not look kindly on you for trespassing.”

Lem hadn’t thought about that. “Oh, well, where does he live? I could go ask him if he’d mind.”

“No! He does not like kids.” Running Wolf replied almost a little too quickly.

Lem looked at him curiously. It almost seemed like the other boy was hiding something.

“Besides,” Running Wolf continued, “only a fool would go after an injured dragon. He could still easily kill you and will if you get too close.”

Lem considered at him carefully. Something didn’t seem quite right. Running Wolf’s posture seemed too casual, almost posed, and the muscles standing out on his crossed arms indicated more of a stressed nature than the calm one he seemed to be trying to convey. He was hiding something.

As soon as Lem made this realization, he decided to change tactics. If there was something here that Running Wolf wanted to hide, then Lem’s curious nature insisted that he discover it. He was pretty sure that the dragon had gone into a hole or hidden cave nearby, but he was also pretty sure that this was about more than the dragon.

He couldn’t do anything now with Running Wolf on guard, and he didn’t want to raise his suspicions, so Lem relaxed his shoulders and let out a big sigh. He smiled.

“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ve just never seen a dragon before, so I guess I got carried away.” He chuckled. “There’s no telling what trouble I might have gotten myself into if you hadn’t come along. I guess we should get back, huh. I’m probably already in enough trouble.” Lem turned and began walking back toward the school.

“Thanks for following me and making me see reason. I really appreciate it. My curiosity can get the better of me sometimes.” He chuckled and looked behind him at Running Wolf, but the boy wasn’t there.

Lem stopped and looked hurriedly around.  Running Wolf was nowhere to be seen. He had simply disappeared without a sound. Lem hesitated for just a second to consider going back to look for the hole, but then he thought better of it. Running Wolf had followed him all the way from the school without him knowing it. He was obviously good at the whole stealth thing. Lem didn’t want to run the risk of the native seeing him now.

He would go back to the school and act like everything was normal then, after a week or so, he’d go back. He would find out where the dragon went and what Running Wolf had been so worried he’d see. His curiosity could wait that long, surely. One week, and he’d be back.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Follow the Dragon: The Life and Times of Lemuel Xandiver - Part 2




A real dragon? Surely not. Really?!? thought Lem as he ran over to the group of boys. Joining the group, he had to stand on his toes and crane his neck to see through the crowd. Sure enough, it was a dragon. Well, a komodo dragon. At least, Lem assumed it was a komodo dragon. What other kind could it be, really? But it didn’t look exactly like he thought komodo dragons were supposed to look. Its neck was longer and more serpentine looking. Its legs were longer, too. It seemed to be injured, though. It had a deep gash on one of its back legs.

He stared at it in fascination. Suddenly, one of the boys yelled, “kill it.” Shocked, Lem blurted out, “Why!?!” before he could stop himself. No one had heard him though. The yells from the group drowned him out. Frustrated, he didn’t know what to do. This was it. His first impression. He could go along with them and make friends, or he could try to stop them and doom himself instantly.

Nothing stupid, he thought.  He watched as someone grabbed a large rock and threw it at the poor dragon. The rock hit its leg with a loud crack, and the dragon hissed and drew back. The circle of boys around the dragon widened a little as they stepped back in fear. Dragons were dangerous. Some of the boys ran around picking up the rocks that lay littered about. Lem didn’t understand. Why did they want to kill it? He was fascinated by it. A real dragon. Another rock hit the poor creature. It looked really mad now. The circle widened even more as it lunged forward in anger, but the boys stood firm and held up their rocks in defense. They weren’t going to let this fun escape.

His head felt like it would burst with questions. Were there more dragons? Where did it come from? Why did it look different from the pictures he had seen? Why had it come so near the school? He wanted to stop them. He wanted them to let it go, so he could follow it and see where it went. He looked around at the boys nervously. He couldn’t say anything. He had to make a good first impression. Didn’t he?

The dragon made another pitiful cry of pain. He looked down at the poor creature. It looked like one of its legs was broken, and it had several wounds that bled profusely. That’s when he decided. This wasn’t about scientific curiosity anymore. This was about doing the right thing.

“Stop!” he yelled out loudly. The cries of the excited boys made it impossible for them to hear him. He started pushing his way between the two standing in front of him. In the middle of the circle, he stood between the dragon and the boy who seemed to be the leader of the group (allowing a lot of room between him and the angry dragon).

“Stop!” he yelled again.
“Who are you?” the boy asked harshly.
“I’m Lem Xandiver. I’m new here.” Actually, his full name was Rupert Lemuel Xandiver, but he didn’t feel like they needed to know that.
“And just why should we stop, Lem Xandiver? Are you a dragon lover or something?”
“Well, I don’t know,” Lem replied a little unsure. “I’ve never seen a dragon before today, but I’ll not let you torture this poor thing. It’s not right.”
“It’s not right, is it?” the boy said with a rough laugh. He looked around at all the other boys, and they laughed too. The big boy had a rock in his hand, and he stood there throwing it up and catching it, looking menacingly at Lem. He looked like he was going to throw the rock at him. Lem really got scared when his laugh took on a sinister quality. When the other boys in the group began imitating their leader, Lem thought he was really in for it.

Suddenly, one of the teachers came out of the school door and rang the bell for class to begin. The boy threw his rock down on the ground viciously and snarled, “saved by the bell, Lem. At least, this time.” He pointed at him threateningly. “I’m going to be watching you.”

The other boys threw down their rocks with varying attempts to emulate their leader’s nasty look as they followed him into the building. Lem watched them leave and noticed one of the natives standing alone by the tree staring at him. Lem couldn’t tell what he was thinking behind his expressionless face, and it made him feel even more nervous. He forgot everything, though, at a sound from on the ground. The dragon was limping back into the woods. Lem took one quick look at the school building. The teacher had gone back inside, and there were only a few students (not counting the native by the tree) still in sight meandering toward the building. He knew he would get in trouble if he didn’t follow. He didn’t have any doubt that the boys he’d just met would make sure his teacher noticed his absence. But he couldn’t resist. This could be his only chance to ever see a dragon. He had to follow it.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Don't Do Anything Stupid!: The Life and Times of Lemuel Xandiver - Part 1




It was his first day in a new school. Most people would be nervous but not Lem. He was excited. He hadn’t had too many friends in his old school, you see, and this was his chance to start over.

Nothing stupid, nothing stupid, nothing stupid, he kept repeating to himself as he walked up the sidewalk toward the large impressive building at the end of the street. It looked more like a British manor house than a school, but that made it all the more exciting for Lem. He loved anything out of the ordinary.

Lem also had a very curious mind. That curiosity is just what seemed to be the root of all of his trouble at his old school. He was always going where he shouldn’t go, and he was always asking “why?” whenever anything struck him as odd or interesting. He drove his mom and dad absolutely crazy with his questions. Many of his teachers at his old school hadn’t liked it either. Don’t get me wrong, they encouraged his questions at first. They all commented on what a bright boy he was. In the beginning. But sometimes, he would ask questions that they couldn’t answer or questions that weren’t exactly politically correct. This began to make some of his teachers, and other adults in the community a little nervous. No longer was he a “bright boy.” He began to be more often referred to as a smart aleck.

Teachers began to give him fewer opportunities to ask questions in class. Parents started not wanting their kids to hang around him. It didn’t take long for him to become a social pariah. His classmates just avoided him at first, then they started whispering behind his back, then whispering about him when he was in earshot. Finally, some of them started just being mean. A few of the teachers understood and tried to help him out, but this tended to only make things worse. Let’s just say, he was quite excited the day his dad come home and announced that his company was moving them to Button Island. His dad was going to be in charge of setting up a windmill power system there, so they would probably be staying for a while.

Now, here he was with a new island, a new town, a new school, and a new opportunity to make a good first impression. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t ask too many questions. Just blend in.

 As he got closer to the building, he could see the schoolyard full of people sitting and talking, waiting for the bell to ring. Glancing around, his eyes stopped on three boys over to the left sitting cross legged under a tree. Their clothes didn’t stand out as any different from what everyone else had on, but that was where the similarity ended. Long black hair framed their bronzed faces, and their stern expressions and intense stares unnerved him a little. They seemed to be looking at nothing and at everything all at the same time. They must be island natives. He had been warned about them. In fact, one of the sailors on the ship that brought his family to the island had told him to watch out for them.

“It’s best if ye avoid them wholly,” he said, “but if ye have to do dealing with them, ye should be doing it quickly.”
“Why?” Lem had asked.
“Because they be a mean and vicious people. They’d rather kill ye than talk to ye.”
“Why?”
“I guess it be cause we’s came in and crowded them outta mosta their island. I spose they’s do have a reason for being angry,” the old sailor admitted grudgingly. “But that be many years go. Tain’t good to hang onna grudge so long. Sides, twasn’t none of us who done it. But I spose they’s still angry.”
“Why?”
“Well, they still got a rough time of it, seeing as they’s stuck on the far side of the island now, but they’s got a good village there. Sides, I don’t reckon they’d even want to live in town with alla us.”

The man’s voice rose with each sentence, and his face had begun to turn red. Lem saw the signs of impatience. He knew them well, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He really wanted to know.

“Why?” he asked. But that was just too much. The sailor threw up his hands in exasperation.

“I don’t know!” he yelled. “Go below and stop your jabbering.  Why? Why? Why? Ye’s worsen old Ben Tillley’s parrot.” He walked away grumbling and avoided Lem for the rest of the voyage. Lem gritted his teeth and gave himself a stern talking to.

No questions! No pestering people! Nothing stupid! A good first impression, that’s what I have to concentrate on.

Seeing the natives now, though, he wished he had found out more about them. These three certainly looked intimidating. He couldn’t help but remember what the sailor had said.
“They’d rather kill ye than talk to ye.”

Now, Lem was a smart boy, and he knew about prejudices, so he didn’t completely believe that, but looking at those still, expressionless faces, he decided that he wouldn’t risk it. He forced his feet to keep moving into the schoolyard and looked away from the intimidating sight under the tree.

That’s when a yell from one of the other boys caught his attention. It had come from a group clustered at the right of the school building over by the woods. They seemed to all be looking at something on the ground. Curious as always, Lem found his feet moving toward them. Another boy came running up to the group and yelled, “Whatcha got, Burt?”

One of the boys, Burt, apparently, turned and hollered back, “It’s a dragon.”

A Dragon? thought Lem excitedly as he ran over to see. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

Aliens Invade Florence, AL at 4:44 a.m. Monday, April 29th



It’s true! I saw them myself. Well, not them exactly, but I saw a projection and their space ship. Well, not a spaceship exactly. It looked more like a short bus. But it was definitely alien. I could tell because it had white lights coming out of the many windows on the sides and white lights shining out on the front and back. It made a strange noise, too.

There I was, minding my own business, fast asleep dreaming about playing a practical joke on one of my friends when I suddenly heard a men’s choir sing a long sustained low “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” It got louder and louder until I woke up and realized that it wasn’t a dream. That was when I saw lights shining in through my bedroom curtains, and I jumped up to look out the window. For those of you who don’t know where I live, my house is set back off the road just a little bit (about half an acre), and that space is populated by a thick assortment of trees. Now, I know that some of you might say I didn’t have a clear view, but I know what I saw. It was an alien short bus with tall window. Surrounded by that white light and making a sound that I’ve never hear any machine make before, it had to be alien. Besides, it looked just like something off of an old 80’s scifi movie, so you know it had to be real.

Intrigued at this strange phenomenon, I was determined to find out exactly what it was. I hurried into the living room in order to watch its progress down the street. I followed it by rushing to the front door window, then the kitchen front window, then the kitchen side window, then back to the French door. I wasn’t going to let it out of my sight. I watched it as it turned and wound around the curved road behind my house and then back again, travelling at a slow steady pace. It finally stopped at the end of a street (right in the middle of the one that goes in front of my house and the one that goes behind it). I couldn’t see it anymore at this point, but I could still hear it. I continued to watch out my kitchen window for a while. The fact that I had to lean uncomfortably over the faucet to see out barely registered.

So, here I am, at 4:44 in the morning (I looked at the clock at this point.) standing in a dark kitchen with a faucet pressing into my gut, starring out my window straining to hear that strange “Ahhhhhh,” just to satisfy my curiosity. As I waited for something else to happen, I realized that this would be a great opening to a Dr. Who episode. (The one with David Tennant, of course.) I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of that idea. After all, he wasn’t real.

As I stared out the window looking for my alien transport and letting my mind wonder, I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that it seemed like a light had suddenly gone out over to the right by my shed. Frustrated that I had missed something, I kept watching that spot, and the shed suddenly lit up again. I followed the beam and saw that it came from the road. I rushed back to the front window and searched for the source of the light. What I saw confirmed my belief that it was aliens. There was a huge face made out of orange light staring at me from the road. I could see it clearly through the trees. Then, just as I began to wonder, the light went out and the face disappeared. I continued to gaze at that spot, and sure enough, it came back a few seconds later. (Thirty seconds to be exact. I counted.) It appeared and disappeared several times, staying on for an indeterminate amount of time and going off for about thirty seconds. But one thing was always the same. That face. That strange, huge, orange alien face. He didn’t move; he didn’t speak; he just stared.

So, there you have it. My experience with an alien sighting. It was an experience I will always remember. (Well, for a while at least. I don’t really have a great memory.)

Oh, I should probably mention a couple of other things just as a warning. The alien craft seemed to have stopped at the utility department. That could only mean that they are attracted to the power supply. I know that’s the reason because a little later I noticed that the orange Mercury vapor light on the street where the face appeared was blinking on and off at thirty-secondish intervals.

Maybe I should run to the store and pick up some bread and milk. You know, just in case.

Monday, April 15, 2013

5 Riddles to Test Your Intelligence


 
 
After being around certain people, who will remain nameless, who seem to think that they know everything, I got to thinking. With the "I'm ok, you're ok" mentality that seems to permeate society nowadays, it is entirely possible that they really don't understand just how intellectually challenged they really are. So, I’ve decided to put together 5 common riddles for people to use to test themselves. If you don't get at least 4 of these correct, without checking the answers first, then you should probably be very careful when stating an opinion.

 Answers will be shown below.

 1. What is as light as a feather, but even the world's strongest man couldn't hold it for more than a minute?

2. There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it?

3. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?

4. Who makes it, has no need of it.
Who buys it, has no use for it.
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it.
What is it?

5. What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you'll die?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answers:

1. His breath

2. A Watermelon

3. A Stamp

4. A Coffin

5. Nothing

Friday, April 5, 2013

Fun Foods Kids Will Love to Eat


 
Why is it that kids seem to automatically know if something is healthy or not just by looking at it. Many times, they won't even taste something that's good for them to see if they might like it. It's like they have some kind of built-in healthy detector. Or maybe, no matter how hard we try not to, we adults give off some sort of signals that they can subconsciously interpret. The trick, I think, is to get them past that first visual rejection. If the food looks good enough or interesting enough for them to try, then they might actually like it. But how do you do that? Well, this website (http://spoonful.com/galleries/cute-and-healthy-recipes#carousel-id=photo-carousel&carousel-item=2) has some very cute recipes. They just might be able to do the trick when it comes to tempting those little humans into liking the right kinds of food.
I'd love to know if any of them work for you. :)